July 23, 2024 Diary

I haven't really paid much mind to my thighs lately since I was so hyper focused how much my face bloated and how I cam get it back to looking like I did on July 1st that I now realize that I am finally forming a thigh gap!!! Feels like an overnight change believe it or not but I'm sure I lowkey already was aware of it in some form or another. It would be obvious since I am in the mid 140s and hopefully lower at this point that well duh that's what happens when you lose weight. Really loving how much slimmer and firmer my thighs are. My stretchy pants are looser and feel more cozy. Not to mention the pants that I used to use as pajamas as they were already baggy on me is now completely unusable for me unless I want to wear a belt. And who the fuck would wear a belt over stretchy pants....the fuck. 

But it's a nice slap of reality. I never knew how bad my body dismorphia was until comparing pictures but still seeing that 187.6 pound face every time I look in the mirror. I still struggle seeing my weight loss many times. I just have a lot of self hatred I guess like I deserve whatever bad happens to me and any good things that come my way are tainted or undeserved. Oh well. 

But hey! I am fully 100% coming back to my good habits. Finally got back into starting my morning off with peppermint tea and taking my magnesium supplement powder. So as long as you see my water intake, I don't typically add the water from my tea or supplement. At least from this point forward. I know I sort of did prior but now I want to be more accurate. 

Okay so for dinner I made white chicken enchiladas. Since I'm keto and can't eat corn tortillas, I just put aside from of the chicken mixture and made an impromptu chicken salad thing. Delicious!