June 5, 2024 Diary
Rant time. Skip to food logs and stats if you prefer not to hear me vent today.
So the time is getting closer when I take a mini trip back to my home state to visit my niece. Not looking forward to it. My niece, I love to bits but her mother, my sister, I dread facing.
My older sister has always been a bully to me in our childhood and even adulthood. She always talked down to me and made me feel like complete shit and wanting to kill myself; insulted me in her own passive aggressive ways. She often tag teamed with my mother in arguments that she (or our mother) was never even in the original argument. I have NEVER done that to her. She has admitted that it stemmed from jealousy. She was the tom boy and was fatter while I (in my high school years) was the thin and pretty one and all the guys had crushes on me and I had hot boyfriends and not her....according to her anyway. So she did everything she could to make me miserable. And she did. I remember for the longest time she was so disturbingly obsessed with the YouTuber Onision (the now infamous YouTuber we all know and love). And it just all makes sense in retrospect. Onision is a notorious unhinged piece of shit and anyone who has an iota of the concept of YouTube definitely knows who that psycho is and his lore. Yet my sister was more alike to Onision than she wants to believe and that is a disturbing realization. The narcissm, anti-social qualities (the actual definition!), and the delusions of grandeur. She always had a stuck up attitude saying how better she is than everyone around her especially when she came out as athiest.
(I'm atheist too but I rarely talk about it but she likes to humblebrag on social media as if that makes her superior than christians.)
I have autism (spectrum) so it's hard for me to pick up on social cues. I naturally make mistakes but my sister is so pessimistic that she assumes the absolute worst. She automatically assumes I do things maliciously and doesn't get the concept of anything being an accident UNLESS SHE MAKES A MISTAKE! The worst part about it is I noticed what she does to people (including me, obviously) that she'll push people's buttons until they snap then she flips the script to act like she's such an innocent victim as if she didn't egg anything on. The look in her eyes....omg....she just enjoys watching people snap, she loves taking in that satisfaction she broke a person. She's awful. Don't get me started on her as a mother. Lordy.
Sad thing about it is that I do enjoy her when she is a cheerful person and how easygoing she portrays herself to be. We used to have a lot of fun conversations together and used to quote The Simpsons on a daily basis but it's so scary how quickly her personality switches at a snap of a finger. It's literally like walking on egg shells around her and she totally has an undiagnosed disorder for sure. I was officially diagnosed and so has our younger brother (ADHD) but my sister has yet to see anyone. I am 100% sure she has something. Okay. Enough ranting today. I'll finish later.
For lunch I had a much welcomed BLT!!! I tested out a recipe for bread and it was perfect. Sort of. Texture was corn bread but I didn't mind it. I slightly undercooked it so I'll make a note to next time. Here is the recipe:
2 tbsp almond flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
Pinch of salt
1 egg
1 tbsp butter melted
Place in a square ramekin. Air fryer 350 for at least 5 mins. For me, small center was undercooked so next time I'll try at 7 or 8 minutes. Make sure to oil up the ramekin. I didn't and had a tough time scooping it out. Coconut oil will be used next time for that. My bread did come out dome shaped so next time I will immediately remove it then flip it so gravity can help it out.
This is a revelation. There's so many opportunities I can do with this bread now!!! Grilled cheese, more BLTs, maybe even sweet stuff like peanut butter and jelly. Well the keto version of it anyway.
Dinner was wack. We had a freak storm and our power went out for a few hours. Luckily we just finished dinner. Philly cheesesteak.
As for my legs, I now started decreasing cold press time. Leg is feeling more spry so now I put a cold compress for 10 minutes and walk for 10. Half and half. It improved not only my heart rate but my fat burn. Yeah boi.
