May 25, 2024 Diary

 

I have reason to believe I may have been experiencing anhedonia for the greater part of my life. Literally the first result when I looked it up:

(I think I am on some level autistic too but not officially diagnosed as of yet)

When I am in a social setting (family holiday gatherings) I noticed in myself that I find it hard to emote like other people do. I find it extremely difficult to have a human interest in conversations. It's beyond shyness because that implies having something to say or do but holding back which I admit I do have shyness which comes and goes depending on my comfortability with my openess to people. One thing that I struggle to have is the same reaction as others around me such as laughing at a joke. It doesn't exactly mean complete absence of emotions because I do laugh at memes or random Youtube videos. When it comes to the bedroom I completely lost my libido and am never in the mood for sex. For the longest time I thought i was asexual which caused soooooo much fights between SO and I because I was never in the mood and he is ALWAYS in the mood. That's not to say I don't find enjoyment in other hobbies...but I do get burned out of them super quick. I go through phases where I am SUPER into something and just as quickly get bored and abandon whatever I was working on....like crocheting, painting, drawing, DIY jewelery, sewing, learning languages, coding, accounting online even blogging lol. Like I said yesterday I created a LOT of blogs I eventually stopped updating. There is a few I am slowly working on to resume posting. So yeah you get my gist.

*I'm not doing the FB FIT Round 1 Program anymore but click the link if you want to do the program yourself.