May 23, 2024 Diary

 

I still struggle looking at myself in the mirror. I still feel just as fat and ugly as Day 1. The realization is hitting me hard how I am no longer a youthful looking 20 year old anymore. I'm turning 36 in a few months and my mortality is sinking in. How old and weathered I look especially my dark circles around my eyes. That is my biggest insecurity. I still feel so ugly. My Skincare Routine does sometimes help my outlook to a temporary degree. My self esteem fluctuates a lot and it sucks just how quickly it changes trajectory. I meditate daily when I do my face sheet masks now. I used to fuck around on my phone but now I feel the way better option is to put on some mediation music on YouTube,  throw the phone across the room, close my eyes and concentrate on the music with relaxation in mind for 20 minutes. I just recently started but I feel this is a step I'm the right direction so I hope I can continue this in hopes it will improve my mood in the long run.

Trying to find this time to gather a doable Fitness routine. I am unable to repeat the FB Fit Round 1 program any time soon because I might be out of town around summer break (not that far away I might add!!) So I won't have the luxury of the free time that I currently have as a stay at home mother. I feel like I shouldn't even call myself that lol my kid is in literally high school finishing up his sophomore year and he clearly does not need me. So I am practically just a homemaker at this point. But I digress. Will hopefully have some new exercise schedule on Monday.

*I'm not doing the FB FIT Round 1 Program anymore but click the link if you want to do the program yourself.

I have a LOT of leftover ricotta so I need new ways to use it before it goes bad. Tried a new thing for breakfast. I made myself a 1 egg frittata. Simple to do. I use this super small 5" pan which I make all my 1 egg breakfasts in (overeasy, omlete, scrambled and now frittata). I quickly sautéed chopped sausage links, remove then added egg in the pan. Immediately add 4 tsp of ricotta and sausage links. Flip over for about 1 min and then serve on plate and topped with about 1 tbsp of shredded cheese! Literally took less than 5 minutes from start to finish! 

Also yeah this is not the *traditional* way to make a frittata. It's supposed to go in the oven..not even supposed to flip it 🫠 Next time I am just mixing everything in the bowl and then dump in the pan.

I tried another new thing. In the same 5" pan I pan fried 1 salmon packet (thawed in water for a bit) in a slice or two of butter for 5 minutes per side. In a bowl I mashed 1/4 avocado with 1 heaping spoonful of ricotta cheese. I usually use greek yogurt or sour cream but like I said, I wanted to find ways to use up leftover ricotta (which I have quite a bit left!) So I wanted to see how this tasted. Outcome was good but salmon could have used seasoning bare minimum salt and pepper. I was just hungry and forgot. Avocado "crema" was OK. That could have also used salt and pepper. I'll do the same exact thing tomorrow and compare.

For dinner I actually made meat and cheese enchiladas! That's usually a weekend thing due to how intensive it is to make it (I make dozens at a time) but I was down for the task. I just reserved 1/2 of the taco meat for myself and ate with cheese. Meant to make Pico de Gallo and add avocado but I was too tired and my feet hurt from all that work going back and forth all day.