March Weigh In And Progress Updates
Hola. It's been a few weeks so I thought I should update and document how my weight loss journey is going.
Not the best but not the worst.
For good news first. I did NOT gain weight. However, I am still in the 180s and considered obese. Body measurements further down my post.
Obstacle #1
Food Intake
Having learned that real weight loss happens in your diet (meaning the foods consumed, not a DIET diet) with the combo of getting the right macros, calories and best quality of foods, I simply was not consistent. I suffer from memory loss and in general lack of cognitive function. So I try to physically write recipes down. I even bought healthy foods such as steel cut oats, quinoa, chia/flax seeds, farro, green tea and various other things that are seen as "healthy". It all literally sat in the storage container that whole month of February (with the exception of green tea I drink every morning). I have looked at recipes for kitchen staples I have and bookmarked it to queue for writing on paper later and I just plain forgot to do it!! I am so upset with myself.
My goals are almost always achieved once I write them down at least somewhere but I never wrote down recipes. My laziness is indeed my own worst enemy.
I do eat in small portions. In general the foods I ate wasn't the worst. It could be better.
The My Fitness Pal app that was very successful in my Changes I Made to Lose 20 Pounds in 5 Weeks post is no longer viable to use. Turns out, the scanning bar codes to log meals is now considered a Premium feature with a monthly fee. I have limited funds to subscribe. That was another bummer. I really wanted to spend as little money as possible just to see if I can do it. Fitbit does offer a similar feature so that's definitely worth looking into.
Obstacle #2
Lack of Mental Well Being
I suffer from depression, anxiety and bi polar disorder. I want to strongly state that I am responsible for my own decisions. It is an explanation NOT an excuse. One person's work to get out of their hole of sadness can be WAY LESS STRENUOUS compared to someone with mental illness. People suffering with depression and anxiety have to literally put in over twice the amount of work to get out of that hole. It also varies as well. Some have mild depression others have a deep depression. It's just such an intricate subject with a lot of variables which explains why so many people can't truly comprehend.
With that being said, I have had many days being thwarted because of bad mood days. When I get in a mental funk, it can discombobulate my overall goals of that day. I will be lethargic. I will curl up in a ball and cry for a few hours. Mindlessly staring at the TV and still not realize what the scene is about. I am almost just go numb as if I am in some kind of suspended animation sometimes.
Of course, this means nothing was done.
I still do StepBet which requires me to hit up goals of upwards of 9k steps a day. I have literally wasted the only free day of the week all because I was in a funk.
That absolutely needs to change. My goal to fix this is to look into meditation. Perhaps have a mandatory meditation session each morning. Possibly yoga too but I'm still hella unfit.
Obstacle #3
Lack of Exercise
Unfortunately, I did not stick nor maintain any kind of routine for exercising one bit. The only exercise I did was just walking for my Step Bet. Keep in mind, the walking was only out of me not wanting to lose my money invested in Step Bet! Some motivation is better than none. I was just too sad and I ended up not exercising. I was only serious about it for less than 1 week and then slipped back into my non working out ass.
I'll randomly pick up weights and do a few reps on random exercises but it wasn't like a real exercise. Would usually last less than 10 minutes with days, even weeks in between. Can count on one hand how many times I picked up the dumb bells for the month of February.
I need a written down routine. I was so caught up in what was the most optimal to wondering what muscle group to exercise on what day. What kind of exercise within that muscle group? How long? I was constantly worried about my lactic acid build up etc. I was clouding my mind with all these problems I didn't solve and I felt like my mind totally short circuited and aborted my envisioned exercise plan altogether.
I tried to look up other people's routine as a base line and perhaps get some inspiration from. It helped a little but it also got lost in my mind and I forgot. I'm ashamed.
Obstacle #4
Procrastination
You know what they say, we are our own worst enemy. I was never taught to have a routine in my life especially from child hood. A lot of people didn't and they grow up and change upon a lot of self reflection. For me, I am just inconsistent. I tend to have a period of highs and lows. My high periods I can be super productive and just get a lot of shit done. Other days? Once my lows set in, I get so lethargic, lack of motivation and more prone to feelings of extreme sorrow. It comes and goes a lot. If I were to map out my behavior, it would be hella interesting like a stock market. High highs and low lows.
I'm unfortunately been given the option of having options. I feel like I run out of steam and I don't know how to revitalize and boost that motivation to keep on that upward projectory. So when I can't find that spark to keep me rising, I crash down like the 1929 Stock Market Crash. I just need to find a way to motivate myself and encourage myself to keep going. I have to find a way to keep that momentum going.
My brain just gets so frazzled.
It feels good to write things down so I can look back on it. However, March is a new month and bottom line, I still weigh more than I did 1 year ago. Once I get past that hump, I think I will getting from here.
It's just getting over that initial hump to lose weight when you first start is usually the hardest. At least for me. Even though I don't want to do it out of embarrassment, I feel I should do this anyway. Here are my weigh ins and measurements compared to last month.
It's funny, I did not do these measurements before I wrote my melancholic ass post. Honestly, after measuring and comparing to last month I actually do feel a small sense of accomplishment. This is from literally only walking along with small portioned not healthy nor unhealthy meals.
A small victory is still a victory. I do worry if I am even measuring right but I still think this is a step in the right direction. However I am far from being out the woods just yet. Numbers still show I am still obese and measurements is still in the danger zone.
I will absolutely put way more effort and do more activity than I did last month. Would be hella embarrassing if I didn't. Happy for the little improvements I have made. Here' s to another month!
